My little secret
By Suzanne Helen James

The world knows I use you to hide,
Go to school, go home, curling into you and live this lie.
The world knows I abuse your strength, your kindness, your entire being.
My heart is forever broken, my body is weak,
But I must see you and have my soul complete.
It’s sad though that you are but a deadly drug,
I use and use and use you and you still tempt me anew.
You erase my problems and care not for my person,
Instead you stay with me, play with me, dream with me.
Lie with me and make me feel important,
Disregard everything but my mere attention.
But after a while, as fun as the bliss is,
I open my eyes.
It pains me that you are but a deadly drug,
You’re my living sustenance and my habit to live.
But why must you blind yourself and deafen your ears?
You smile at me.
You make me a wreck,
All the while entertaining my inhibitions...
Haven’t you realized it?
Don’t you know?
You are but a deadly drug to me!
Why must you be so patient?
Why must you be so willing?
Why must you be...?
But then...I close my eyes.
And then I remember.
You are my beloved drug.
You are my living sustenance; you are my escape to live.
No one else can have you. No one else must know.
This dark truth makes me smile.
This dark truth the world ignores.

***

Suzanne is still an only child living in Vancouver, and she's is still 18. She's still in her first-year of college and still described as a "decent" person most of the time. Suzanne still has the same interests: writing, drawing and playing the underrated racquet sports of Badminton and Squash. She's still interested in having her name up in lights. She's sure that this is the road to getting there, though it's a slow one.